I really did try to stay true to my wife and our vows to each other. Each time that I looked at another man or jacked off in the shower thinking about sucking another man's dick I would feel guilty and hate myself a little bit more than I did before. I sometimes traveled for work and I would sometimes buy porn mags and jack off fantasizing what it would be like to be with a man again. As personal computers became more common and porn producers started moving their product to this new distribution it was now easier to access things than ever before. Suddenly instead of needing to be away from home I could get a dick fix at home or at work with ease. I also found chat site and discovered that I was no longer alone in the world. I had been isolated in my marriage and would never openly act on any attraction I might have to someone in the real world. But in cyberspace, I was anonymous. I didn't have to worry about what people thought of me or if I might be found out. It was in the chat rooms that I found my greatest release. I think that first site was gay.com. I not only found out there were other married men like me who had all these repressed feelings but there were hundreds of other groups of men who wanted to discuss their likes and dislikes as a means of release. I quickly became addicted to the chat sites and spent many hours talking with other guys about my teenage experiences and how I was now living a straight life. Of course, our chat would inevitably turn to sex and it became quite common that we would describe our sexual fantasies to each other and jack off. This managed to keep my raging desires in check for a while but it was just a matter of time. I started talking to a bi guy who was nearby, not too close but close enough that there was the fantasy that it could be a real time meeting. He was not married but was experimenting with the idea of his first man to man experience. We talked a lot about my experiences in high school and how much I enjoyed sucking dick. He wasn't ready for that but he really wanted to touch another mans dick.
After almost a year of chatting back and forth, we decided to meet up in real time. We both agreed that we were not going to do anything other than jack off with each other. This would satisfy his curiosity about seeing and maybe touching another cock and it would be a way for me to satiate my needs as well. We decided on an evening that I could come home late from work and picked a motel that was convenient to both of us, out of the way so we would not be seen. I met him in the parking lot as we had agreed and split the cost of the room with him. He went to check in to the room and pay for it as I was still too chicken shit to be seen in public doing anything. I was so nervous, I forgot to take a good look at him and while he was in the lobby, I thought about leaving and calling the whole thing off. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was scared as hell. He came back out and motioned to the room. He went in first and as he opened the door and turned on the light I got my first good look at him. He was a good looking guy (whew, what a relief), slim build, maybe 150lbs and about my height at 5'10. He was nervous too and said so.
He seemed pleased with my looks as well. Since we had only traded descriptions - no pictures - I was glad to have been totally honest as he had been. We chatted for a few minutes, small talk about nothing in particular before he decided just to clarify our purpose. We were just going to jack off with each other, maybe touch each others dick, nothing more. He was not ready for more and was not comfortable doing anything else. I agreed and we decided to take our clothes off. Both of us were so nervous that it never occurred to us to enjoy the moment and take our time. I stripped down to my boxers and he stripped down to his tighty whities. Looking back I realize that this is the moment that I lost control. It had been so long since I had even been this close to a partially naked man - it was like I was starving and someone had just put out a buffet. My mouth was watering and I could not wait to see what he pulled out when the underwear came off. He waited for me to drop my boxers so I let him take a look. He seemed pleased with my package and started to pull down his so I could see his dick. I could not wait any longer. I reached out and helped him pull them down around his ankles as I fell to my knees on the floor. As his cock sprang loose from his briefs, it was like it was jumping toward me and my mouth. At that moment I knew I had to have him in my mouth. I touched his dick and guided him to my lips. I knew he was nervous, he had never been with another guy before. He pulled back and said "Wait, what are you doing man?".
I said, "I just want to taste it man, just let me suck it for a second, please?" He was reluctant and said, "OK, but I am not sucking you". I did not care what he did or did not do to me. I wanted to suck his cock. I took his cock slowly into my mouth savoring each moment. I could feel how hard he was and he shivered with the excitement of me tasting his cock. As my own excitement grew I took the full length of his dick in my mouth, about 7 inches but not too thick. It felt wonderful to have a dick inside my mouth again. I started moving up and down the shaft and savoring each moment as his excitement grew. My hand had naturally moved to my own cock and I was furiously jacking off while I was sucking his dick. He would glance down at me and my cock occasionally but most of the time his eyes were rolled back in his head with a look of pure ecstasy on his face.
It didn't take long before I could feel his nuts starting to pull up against him. From previous experience, I knew this meant he was getting ready to cum. He told me this by starting to pull back from me but I said "NO" and pulled him back in. He said, " But I'm going to cum" and I responded, "I know, I want it!". With that he gave in and let me take his dick all the way in my mouth. My nose was deep in his pubes and I could feel his balls as they tensed and his body started to spasm. It was at that moment that I felt the first shot of cum hit the back of my tongue and throat. His cum was salty like Kevin's and in that moment I was back in high school with him shooting his cum down my throat. He shot three good ropes of cum in my mouth and then pulled away from me. As much as I wanted to keep his dick in my mouth and suck every last drop of cum from him, I knew his dick would be super sensitive and he would need a minute to recover from the sensation. I let him pull back and he collapsed down onto the bed. I continued jacking my cock and with his cum inside me I was ready to shoot my load. I came in waves and shot my load on his feet and legs which was quite by accident but I wasn't really paying attention to where I was shooting.
It took me a minute to recover as well, fifteen years of waiting was a long time and I wanted to enjoy the experience, savor it. But as soon as the release came, the reality of what we had done hit us both like bricks to the face. I went to the sink in the room and cleaned up as best I could. I thanked him while I was putting on my clothes and he was getting dressed as well. I went out and got in my car and headed home, saddled with the guilt of what I had just done. Luckily, I had some time to get myself together before I had to face my wife. I don't really remember that night but I am sure she knew something was wrong.
I carried the guilt of cheating on my wife for months. I tried to forget what I had done and did not try to contact him again for months. I told myself it was a one time mistake and that I would never do it again. I tried to convince myself that what I had done was wrong and I would be punished for it. I just wanted to forget it but I couldn't.
It took months but the yearning was just too much. I went back to the chat rooms and my porn sites and started up all over again. I don't remember his name or his face or much of anything else about him but I do remember the tighty whities and the taste of cum in my mouth for the first time in fifteen years and for that I will forever be grateful.
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